What a Classic Book from 1936 Can Teach Men About Making Friends Today

First published nearly a century ago,, How to Win Friends and Influence People, is as relevant today as ever—especially for men trying to level up their social game.

Picture this: You’re at a party. You know exactly two people, one of whom is your buddy who dragged you here, and the other is the host, whose name you immediately forgot after shaking their hand. You scan the room for an exit strategy, but it’s too late—someone approaches and starts talking to you. Do you panic? Do you smile and nod awkwardly? Or, do you summon the timeless wisdom of Dale Carnegie and charm them with the effortless grace of a social ninja?

Dale Carnewho, you say? Stay with me on this…

For most guys, navigating social situations is a mixed bag. Whether it’s trying to make a good impression at work, building better friendships, or surviving small talk at that neighborhood BBQ, social skills can feel like a minefield. This is where Dale Carnegie’s classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, comes in. First published in 1936, this book might sound like it’s meant for a bygone era of three-piece suits and fedoras, but its lessons are as relevant today as ever—especially for men trying to level up their social game in the 21st century.

So, what can this old-school masterpiece teach modern men about winning friends and influencing people? Let’s dive in.

1. "Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain."

You might be thinking, Seriously, Dale? Not even a little bit? Well, Carnegie wasn’t trying to turn us all into stoic monks; he just knew that people don’t respond well to negativity. Think about it—when was the last time someone won you over by nitpicking or pointing out your flaws? Probably never.

In today’s world, where social media makes it so easy to be critical, it’s even more important to follow this rule. Instead of jumping to complaints or criticisms (whether in person or online), try focusing on the positive. Compliment someone on their effort, offer a solution instead of just pointing out the problem, or better yet, just listen without judgment. You’ll be surprised how much more approachable and likable you become when you cut down on the negativity.

2. "Give honest and sincere appreciation."

Carnegie hit the nail on the head with this one. Everyone, and I mean everyone, loves to feel appreciated. And let’s be honest, most of us don’t get nearly enough appreciation in our day-to-day lives. But here’s the thing—it has to be genuine. People can sense fake flattery a mile away.

Whether you’re thanking someone at work for their help, telling your buddy how much you value their friendship, or simply acknowledging a stranger for holding the door open, a little bit of sincere appreciation goes a long way. Want to win friends and make people feel good? Just appreciate them for who they are and what they do. Simple, but effective.

3. "Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest sound in any language."

This one feels like common sense, but you’d be amazed how many of us let it slip. Remembering someone’s name is like getting a free pass into their good graces. It shows you care enough to make the effort, and it instantly makes the other person feel more valued.

In the age of networking events, LinkedIn connections, and casual acquaintances, it’s easy to forget names. Carnegie’s advice? Just make it a priority. Repeat the person’s name when you first meet them, use it a few times during the conversation, and you’re less likely to forget it. It’s a small thing, but it makes a big difference in how people perceive you.

4. "Be genuinely interested in other people."

Ever been in a conversation where the other person is just waiting for you to stop talking so they can chime in about themselves? Yeah, not fun. Carnegie knew that if you want to win friends, you’ve got to actually care about what they have to say. People love talking about themselves—it’s like a universal truth. So, if you want to make a great impression, ask questions and then really listen to the answers.

Instead of going into a conversation thinking, How can I impress this person?, flip the script and think, How can I learn more about this person? Not only does this make the other person feel valued, but it also takes the pressure off you to be "on" all the time. Ask about their interests, their hobbies, their opinions—people will appreciate your curiosity, and you’ll come across as way more charismatic than the guy who talks only about himself.

5. "Talk in terms of the other person’s interests."

Want to quickly connect with someone? Talk about the stuff they care about. If you’re not sure what that is, ask. It’s amazing how quickly conversations can take off when you hit on a topic the other person is passionate about.

Let’s say you’re at a social event, and the guy next to you starts going on about his latest home improvement project. Even if you couldn’t care less about drywall or grout, don’t tune out. Instead, ask questions and engage with his enthusiasm. He’ll walk away from that conversation thinking you’re the most interesting person in the room, even though you didn’t say much at all.

6. "Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely."

Carnegie stressed that making others feel important is one of the keys to building strong relationships. But here’s the catch—it has to be genuine. It’s not about boosting someone’s ego for the sake of it. It’s about recognizing what makes them unique and letting them know you see their value.

In today’s hyperconnected world, people often feel like just another face in the crowd. Take the time to notice someone’s efforts, listen to their concerns, or compliment their work, and they’ll feel like a million bucks. Whether it’s a coworker, friend, or even your barista, making someone feel important can brighten their day—and strengthen your connection with them.

7. "Smile."

This one is so simple it almost feels like cheating. But Carnegie knew that a genuine smile has the power to transform interactions. In fact, smiles are contagious—when you smile at someone, they’re likely to smile back. It’s like an instant mood booster, for both you and the person you’re interacting with.

In the digital age, we’ve become pretty good at typing out smiley emojis, but Carnegie was all about the real thing. So, whether you’re in a meeting, running errands, or catching up with a friend, don’t underestimate the power of a genuine smile to make a positive impression.

8. "Let the other person feel like the idea is theirs."

If you want to influence people without coming across as pushy or overbearing, this tip is golden. Carnegie was a master of subtle influence—he knew that people are much more likely to go along with something if they think it was their idea all along.

How do you pull this off? Instead of telling someone what to do or how to think, guide the conversation in a way that leads them to their own conclusions. Let’s say you’re trying to get your buddy on board with a trip to the mountains. Instead of declaring, “We should go to the mountains,” start by talking about how great it would be to get outside, relax, and explore nature. By the end of the conversation, he may be suggesting the trip himself.

Conclusion: Old Wisdom, New Relevance

Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People may have been written nearly a century ago, but the lessons still hold up. In fact, they might be more relevant now, in our fast-paced, often impersonal world, than ever before. The truth is, people haven’t changed that much—we still crave connection, appreciation, and respect.

So, the next time you’re at that party, in that meeting, or trying to strike up a conversation with a new acquaintance, remember Carnegie’s advice. Be genuinely interested, show appreciation, and listen more than you talk. With a few small tweaks to your social approach, you’ll find yourself making friends, building influence, and maybe even catch yourself enjoying a room full of strangers.

If you’re interested in reading Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People for yourself, it is easy to find a copy. According to Wikipedia, over 30 million copies have been sold worldwide, making it one of the best selling books of all time.