After Graduation: How Young Men Can Make and Keep Friends in the Working World
Friendship dynamics start to shift as you and your buddies move from school into the next phase of life.
Remember when making friends was as simple as sitting next to someone in class or meeting up after practice? Back in school, friendships seemed to happen effortlessly—you shared lunch, played video games, or worked on group projects together, and suddenly you had a best friend. But once you're out of school and into the working world, the dynamic changes. Your social circles shrink, your responsibilities grow, and finding the time to hang out with friends—or make new ones—gets tougher.
For men in their 20s, 30s, and even 40s, this transition can feel awkward. How do you go about forming meaningful connections with other guys when life’s no longer centered around a campus or a sports team? Don’t worry—it’s not impossible! It just requires showing up a bit differently, adjusting your expectations, and taking some initiative.
In this post, we’ll dive into why the dynamics of friendship shift as you get older, what it takes to build lasting connections, and how to successfully navigate this new phase of life.
1. Why Friendships Get Harder After School
Before we talk solutions, let’s take a moment to understand why friendships become more challenging to maintain after school. Here are a few common reasons:
You’re busy!: Between full-time work, relationships, possibly starting a family, and managing daily responsibilities (laundry, bills, grocery shopping—adulting is real), time becomes a limited resource.
Your environment has changed: In school, you’re surrounded by people your age with similar schedules and interests. In the workplace, you’re likely dealing with colleagues of different ages, backgrounds, and priorities.
Priorities shift: Once you enter adulthood, priorities change. Your time outside of work might be spent on self-improvement, professional development, or managing a household, leaving less time for spontaneous hangouts. You and/or your friends may even move to new cities making connection more challenging and leaving a void in your social circle.
Friendship requires intentional effort: When you’re not automatically seeing friends every day, you have to put in more effort to maintain and grow relationships. Casual acquaintances don’t always evolve into deep friendships without some intentionality.
So, if you’re feeling like it’s harder to connect with people these days, it’s not just you. But here’s the good news: It just takes a focused approach.
2. Showing Up Differently: Friendship in Adulthood Requires Intention
One key to navigating adult friendships is realizing that, unlike in school, friendships won’t just “happen” by proximity. You have to show up differently. This means being more intentional and open to new experiences. Here are a few ways to shift your mindset:
Be proactive: Unlike in your younger years, where friendships might have felt effortless, making friends in adulthood requires some effort. It means reaching out first, scheduling time to meet up, and sometimes getting out of your comfort zone.
Prioritize quality over quantity: As an adult, it’s less about having a huge group of friends and more about cultivating a few meaningful relationships. Depth matters more than frequency. It’s okay to focus on just one or two close friends rather than trying to maintain a large circle.
Stay open to new types of friendships: In adulthood, friends may come from more diverse places. You might find yourself bonding with a coworker, meeting someone at the gym, or making a new friend in an unexpected setting. Stay open to those possibilities—even if they don’t look like the friendships you’ve had in the past.
3. How to Make New Friends as an Adult (Without It Feeling Weird)
Alright, so you’ve made peace with the fact that friendships in adulthood require effort. Now, how do you actually go about making new friends? Here are some ideas:
Start with Your Existing Circles
Sometimes, potential friendships are closer than you think. Maybe you’ve already got a few acquaintances who could become better friends if you made the effort. For example:
Work Friends: Don’t underestimate the power of office friendships. Grab lunch with a colleague or invite a group to happy hour after work. The shared experience of the work grind can be a great foundation for deeper connections.
Reconnect with Old Friends: Reach out to people you haven’t talked to in a while. You might find that some old school buddies or college friends are in the same boat as you, looking to re-establish meaningful connections.
Join Clubs or Groups
Getting involved in activities outside of work can be a great way to meet people with shared interests. Whether it’s sports, hobbies, or volunteering, putting yourself in environments where friendships can naturally develop is key. Try:
Adult sports leagues: If you like to stay active, consider joining a recreational sports league. Whether it’s soccer, basketball, or even a bowling league, these types of groups foster camaraderie.
Hobby-based meetups: If you have specific hobbies, find local meetups or groups centered around that interest. Whether it's a book club, board game night, or car enthusiast group, shared interests can lead to strong friendships.
Fitness classes or the gym: Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation at the gym or in a class. Consistency in attending classes can help you develop familiarity with others who share your commitment to fitness.
Be the Organizer
Sometimes, the easiest way to make friends is by being the one who organizes the get-togethers. Plan a barbecue, a game night, or a weekend hike. Being the person who brings people together can naturally attract others who are looking for connection, too. In time, you may even find you start to receive more people inviting you to things as well as they reciprocate your social overtures.
4. Maintaining Friendships in Adulthood: Keep the Momentum Going
Once you’ve established some new friendships, the challenge is keeping them going—especially when life gets busy. Here’s how you can stay connected:
Schedule regular check-ins: Unlike in school, where you might have seen your friends every day, in adulthood, it’s important to schedule time to hang out. Set up recurring coffee meetups, dinners, or gaming nights. Even a monthly check-in can keep a friendship thriving.
Stay in touch, even if it’s small: Regularly texting, sending a meme, or checking in about a shared interest can keep the connection alive, even if you don’t have time for a full hangout.
Be flexible: Life gets hectic, so flexibility is key. If a friend cancels, don’t take it personally. Offer an alternative time and stay understanding. Friendships in adulthood may not always be as spontaneous, but they can still be just as meaningful.
5. How to Cultivate Friendships That Last
Finally, once you’ve made new friends, it’s important to remember that adult friendships, just like any relationship, require care. Here’s what you can do to ensure your friendships stand the test of time:
Be dependable: Follow through on plans and commitments. Show up when you say you will, and be reliable. People appreciate friends they can count on, and consistency is key to building trust.
Show vulnerability: Surface-level friendships are easy, but for real, lasting connections, it’s important to share a bit of yourself. Open up about your challenges, listen when friends do the same, and be supportive.
Be patient: Developing deep friendships takes time. Don’t get discouraged if a connection doesn’t happen overnight. Keep putting in the effort, and give it time to grow.
Conclusion: Embrace the New Phase with Confidence
Making and maintaining friendships as an adult may look different from the carefree days of school, but it’s entirely possible—and rewarding. By being intentional, open, and proactive, you can cultivate meaningful friendships that enhance your life. So, embrace this new phase with confidence, show up for your friends, and enjoy the journey.